Signals From Space (Part 4)
DATA COLLECTED FROM EARTH TIME, September 1946 - 1954
From here on out, I use the human word “Earth” which not only means dirt but anything which composes the solid mass of the human planet. E.G. Rock. This will be important later.
After the second world war, humanity entered into the cold war. The Soviet broadcasts pointed out the flaws of “Capitalism,” the human word for their system that included the flow of documents for territory. Since all members of the species. Somehow, it resulted in cruel leader humans with “top hats.” These were very inefficient leaders who could not properly divide up housing or labor. As a result, many humans took the management of society upon themselves and walked the streets with signs, looking for jobs, but this system was also inefficient.
On the other hand, the Americans basically said the opposite was true, and that certain inefficiencies and cruelties were due to the Soviets abolishing these documents. Once again, we could not tell which side was telling the truth. If this meant anything though, it meant that the Americans would likely see us as enemies if we ever showed ourselves, a terrifying prospect indeed. I had nightmares sometimes of giant mushroom clouds.
Since we had no frame of reference, an experiment was conducted to determine whether Capitalism could work. (But also for entertainment, admittedly).
The humans had areas of circular transporters and other entertainments, which they called theme parks. So, a few amongst us took it upon themselves to create our own theme park. This is the record of my visit to Earth Land World:
EARTH LAND WORLD VISITATION, PART 1
I stood in line to get into the gate. It was the first time I’d stood in a line. Our algorithms normally divide up activities in a way that no one is required to stand in a line. But this was part of the experience.
When I reached the front of the line, I was given a bag of documents. Each document showed the face of a man with white head fur and neck fur. This was God, Earth’s first leader who found their world as only water, and then terraformed it. It's a very old story and some humans doubt its accuracy, but considering how many followers God still has, there must be some truth to it. We have yet to find his origin world known as Up in the Air which we will abbreviate as Air.
I digress. So anyway, I gave the Infernan who had given me the bag of documents a couple of documents back and was in turn given a ticket. I then gave them back the ticket and was permitted to pass into Earth Land World.
As soon as I had made it past the gate, an Infernan wearing black and white stripes snatched my bag and ran off into the park. I waved at the criminal and yelled, “Thanks!” Then, I got to stand in line again to get more documents!
When I got into the park the second time, I had more of a chance to look around. There were humans, cats, dogs, Elephants, and all manner of Earth creatures walking through the park. Of course, these were all mechanical or holograms. Of course, there were circular transporters, and stands selling our best recreations of human things.
I watched a pink dolphin leap into the air from a molten aluminum fountain. A lot of the colors were wrong. We had received the first color signals only after we began construction on the park.
Clowns were a subspecies of human mainly indigenous to theme parks and circuses. As such, there were plenty here. One of them approached me.“Hi, I’m Low Intelligence the Clown! Are you having the appropriate quantity of fun?”
“I am called Kitten. I was only just about to have fun. Which activity would you recommend that I partake in?”
“Oh that’s easy!” The clown pulled out a kinetic human weapon from behind its back. “You can die!” When the clown pointed the gun at me and pulled the trigger, I like to have died from a srlogris failure. A white flag poked out of the gun with the word “boom” written on it.
I laughed. A tic I’d picked up from watching too much human television. Of course there was simulated violence here.
“There’s more where that came from!” Low Intelligence said, “If you’d like to participate in the War of The Worlds simulator, head to station 34.14.”
“Thanks, but I just want to look around right now.”
I left the clown and made my way to the Earth bar.
Over in the corner, a human and an Infernan guest played a card game on a fuzzy green table with holes in the corners. The jukebox blared the “Happy Birthday” encryption across the saloon.
There was a lion and a dragon sitting at the bar. A human in plated armor stood behind it.
I sat between the dragon and the lion. “A glass of aluminum please,” I said to the bartender, pulling out a wad of documents.
The lion turned its head slowly towards me. “You ain’t from around here, are ya? We don’t take kindly to people who ain’t from around here, around here. Get from around here.” Some non-human Earth organisms were sapient, while others of the very same species may not be.
I was just getting to my feet when I felt a tap from my other side. The dragon handed me a bottle of aluminum. Actually. I knew this part! This was a bar fight!
I smacked the bottle against the lion’s head and it shattered. The lion fell to the ground and for a moment I stood there in horror, forgetting myself, then I shook my tail and reminded myself that this was all a simulation.
The lion stood back up on two legs. “We cats have the ability to regenerate even from lethal blows, up to nine times. Meet me at the edge of town at sundown and we will shoot each other. Unless you are a fearful person; then you may abstain.”
“I’m a little afraid,” I admitted.
“Okay,” The lion said, nodding. Then it walked towards the door.
Suddenly, I heard a siren. Red and blue lights flickered across the room.
“Hide the lunar light!” The Bartender said, as he opened his helm and began pouring glasses of aluminum into his armor. The dragon picked up a chair and threw it at the wall.
The door burst open. A human police officer with his sword drawn stood in the way. “All of you are under the rest. You have permission to remain silent. Any noise can and will be used against you in the optimization arena.”