DATA COLLECTED FROM DIRT TIME, JANUARY 1927 - AUGUST 1939
After six years of observation, we received the first image transmissions from Dirt. These images were monochromatic, leading us to believe that humans had poor or no color vision. Perhaps they were a nocturnal species. It is also possible that the humans simply found the monochrome images to be sufficient for their purposes.
With the images, some of our most common theories about humans were disproven. We saw video of humans, cats, and dogs in various states of development. It seemed that cats and dogs were in fact two parasitic species that had hijacked the parental instincts of humans.
But surely, despite this, any intelligent species would be able to recognize that these organisms were not actually their offspring? Some suggested that the humans were aware of this, yet still unable to act against their instincts. The humans have a word for such animals: “pets.” But we have our own term that we believe more accurately describes their relationship: “Empathy Parasites.”
Other theories were confirmed and deepened. For example, humans did have claws, but only the alpha females had claws of any usable length. Other humans fought by punching and kicking, which was when they used their limbs for bludgeoning. It was thought that since the males had larger muscles, they had evolved to the point where they no longer needed claws to defend themselves. It is unknown why certain “females” only had vestigial claws like the males, but our best theory is that humans were actually a tri-sexed species.
Money was something we have known about since almost the beginning of the transmissions, but it has been poorly understood or researched. But, for reasons that will soon be made clear, we quickly turned our attention to money in the Dirt orbit, 1929.
Humans use a system of documents, both metallic and carbon-based, to distribute goods. Since we use a system of trackers to locate objects whenever we want to use them, we first speculated that these documents were a more bureaucratic way of tracking the movement of items. However, it seems that humans do not collectively share their resources as we do. Before first contact, the most widely held belief had been that a more intelligent species would have evolved past such base instincts as territoriality or else, they would never have come so far as a civilization. Or perhaps, that enlightened knowledge and science would allow for them to see past their more il-adapted instincts.
But again, it seems we were wrong.
Once you realize this, money becomes quite the wonder. Humans were willing to give up their territory in exchange for low-value documents. Some have speculated that these documents are vouchers for something more valuable. This may be a form of trade as our ancestors traded between tribes. In fact, images of human leaders are often emblazoned on money. The implication may be that it is the leaders of these nations who use their power to guarantee that the money can be redeemed. Well, it basically says as much on the American money.
But here’s the truly impressive part: In the footage we received at least, Humans do not redeem their money with any nation. They simply trade it with another human when they want something, and presumably hoard it when they don’t. In this way, A document can have great value despite being objectively worthless! It baffles the mind and yet it works.
We chose to study money now, because now is when it became particularly important to the humans. “Wall Street” Crashed and caused most humans to become impoverished. We do not understand exactly how this happened, and in fact, even the humans who spoke about it also admitted their ignorance. It was as if the flow of money and its connected nodes had evolved into a hyper-intelligent organism that now controlled humanity. Indeed, most human activity that we had seen in video seemed to be directed at creating flow of money.
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The most amazing moment thus far was when we first intercepted news of the war between Dirt and War. Two space-faring civilizations in one solar system! This would completely change how common we expected sapient life to be in the universe. And yes, their planet was named War!
These aliens quickly obliterated Dirt’s defenses. It was terrifying to think that such a war-like species as the humans might be on the low end of destructive potential! We wept for Humanity. We thought they would be wiped from the star, when astonishingly quickly, all of the invaders succumbed to Dirt’s microorganisms. These “Martians” were dead and humanity would go on!
When we looked for technosignatures from War, we found none, though we assumed its inhabitants were hiding them as they had from the humans.
It wasn’t long before we learned the truth. It was in the news that the “fictional” broadcast “The War of the Worlds” had caused widespread panic. We do not have a direct translation for “fictional,” but we know enough to now to say that this information was false. What was the purpose of The War of the Worlds? Was this an intentional deception meant to strike fear of microorganisms into would-be invaders? It couldn’t be, or the humans would not have clarified that it was a “work of fiction.”
Again, we turn to our simulation hypothesis. If we suppose the objective of the humans in this war was simply to survive long enough for the invaders to be killed by their deadly microbes, then the humans had successfully defeated a more advanced civilization in a simulation. Then, they were truly a warrior race, and should be feared regardless of their level of technology (which is still unclear).
All of these simulations made humans out to be a warrior race, and yet the only wars seemed to be in the past. There was once a War to End All Wars, the last war. Or so we hoped. Or so humanity believed.
We would both soon discover how wrong we were.
And yes, you do get to see stories here earlier than on Reddit.